Monday, March 14, 2016

Writing the second draft

Introduction
After the first workshop I came up with the following points to consider when redrafting the TELE story.

  • Anchoring the main character
  • Adjusting point of view to avoid confusion
  • Using details to help readers fill in the gaps, in the way I intend them to.
  • Identifying the purpose of the main character
  • Clarifying the meaning behind the story
  • Creating a clearer picture of the world around the story

Changes in point of view
In the first draft I tried to use shifts from first person to third person to create a contrast between the perceived reality of the main character and the real world. However, this simply created confusion over who the main character was and made the story difficult to follow. After reading The Writer's Chronicle, I realised that I might be able to distance the reader from the character by moving from indirect interior monologue (IIM) to regular omniscience (RO) (Jauss, D. (2000). In the end though I moved from IIM of one character to IIM of another. Here is an illustration of point of view as described by David Jauss.



Also using IIM in the second draft helped me to anchor the three characters in the story and hopefully avoid further confusion.

Changes to the Beginning
In the second draft I made some minor adjustments to the first paragraph to fulfil the suggested seven ingredients of beginnings. To enhance the sensory aspects I included onomatopoeic words to give the impression of music. I also tried to highlight his motivations by focussing on the gamification element of his job and dissatisfaction with the meaningless activity.

Link to 7 ingredients for beginnings

Plot
I still feel that I need to identify a specific plot type but I have narrowed it down to two possibilities: the pathetic plot or the revelation plot. However, at the moment my story is neither of these.

Link to Friedman's plot types

Developing the setting
In response to questions about the 'war' that seems to be happening in the world of my story I tried to add details to create an image of this 'war' in the readers' minds. I also tried to imply that the main character would be happy to take part in this war by referring to first person shooters in the first paragraph.


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